Archive for the Category ◊ Memory Work: Recall, Reflect, and Relive ◊

19 May 2010 Writing a Memoir: It’s Not Just the Facts
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One of the obstacles which trips up people trying to write memoirs is their belief that they must get all of the facts exactly right before they can tell their story. They can’t remember precisely. They begin to try to research to try to discover the facts. And they never get the book done.

While I would never say that a memoir or family history couldn’t benefit from some research. Getting the facts right is a good thing.  I would offer a caution. Don’t get too caught up in trying to give a factually correct account of everything that happened in your life. Too many people do. A memoirist is not a reporter. Novelist Gore Vidal gave a good definition of memoir in his own Palimpsest, “…a memoir is how one remembers one’s own life.” It is capturing ones emotional reactions to events and the insights that grow from them rather than the facts that give memoirs their power. Vivian Gornick in The Situation and the Story, put it well when she wrote, “Truth in a memoir is achieved not through a recital of actual events; it is achieved when the reader comes to believe that the writer is working hard to engage with the experience at hand. What happened to the writer is not what matters; what matters is the large sense the writer is able to make of what happened.”

28 Apr 2010 Making Memories into Literature
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“One of the markers of a life well lived must surely be the stories, experiences and memories that are told, retold, remembered and re-experienced throughout the life span,” said Kathleen Adams of the Center for Journal Therapy in Denver which conducts life story writing programs for seniors.

The Grub Street Memoir Project in Boston has recently published its second anthology My Legacy is Simple. The first is titled Born Before Plastic. Alexis Rizzuto, the Memoir Project manager and senior writing coach, says that two striking features of both books are the ability of the seniors to make their stories “come alive” and the “profound sense of place” their stories of Boston contain.

But helping seniors to access and record their memories can be difficult. Adams recalled a woman named Goggie who, at age 86 at the urging of her granddaughter, began a memoir of growing up on a homestead in the Wild West. “By the time Goggie reached her 90s, dementia had stolen her ability to write or even tell her own stories,” said Adams. Any senior embarking on a project like Goggie’s can expect to experience some memory issues even if they are less severe than hers.

Seniors may find that despite their best efforts there are stories that they can remember only partially – or not at all. Psychoanalyst Helene Deutsch said that when she wrote her memoir Confrontations With Myself: An Epilogue, “Sometimes only the emotional atmosphere has been retained and the actual situation had to be reconstructed.” Rather than allowing yourself to be blocked by what you can’t remember, write your story about the parts you can recall.

The help of families of seniors undertaking life story projects is essential. When Goggie’s memory began to fail, “Her daughters and grandchildren filled in the gaps, writing and telling those stories most familiar and beloved from their own experiences, and scribing Goggie’s faltering reminiscences,” said Adams. The result was a “family heirloom” a hand-made treasure of a book that was passed on to the 13 great-grandchildren.

One of the most important results of life writing for seniors says Anne Flaxman, who teaches writing in Fairfield, Connecticut, “is the way these people begin to see their lives as jewels that have been polished through time and experience and living. They begin to see the beauty and uniqueness that their life has represented.

Eighty-six year old Joseph Raba of Pinhurst, North Carolina, who collaborated with his brothers and sisters on a tribute to their parents expressed this feeling about the result. “To me, this book is worth its weight in gold. Every time I open it, more memories come back to me.”

24 Apr 2010 Recalling Details in Autobiography and Memoir
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The author of the Dear Dad Blog posed an interesting question in a recent post. He wrote, “ I never know how anyone can write a memoir or autobiography and fill it with such detail, I mean even conversational detail. How does anyone remember so much of their lives (sic) so specifically?”

They don’t! Depending upon the type of book they want to create authors must research or reimagine the details they choose to recount.

An autobiography bears a greater requirement of factual accuracy for two reasons. First, an autobiography is presented as an historical account of one’s life. Second, an autobiography is generally writen by a person whose life has had some significance politically, socially or culturally. The author is setting forth his or her record of that notable life. His or her reader might reasonably expect that the aquthor his consulted personal journals, calendars and records along with public and private documents pertaining to the events being described. A well written autobiography rests on considerable research to assure its veracity.

A memoir is a different sort of account of a person’s life. A memoir, as the origin of the word rooted in memory suggests, is not so much a factual record as a look backward to search for understanding. It emphasizes feelings over facts. The author asks, retrospectively, what is important among the events of my life? She then focuses upon those events from the standpoint of memory. We all know that our memoir can give events a considerably different patina than the actual events might have had. The memoirist recreates events as she recalls them. Conversations are recreated as she imagines the characters would have spoken. Are all of the details factually correct? Probably not completely. The memoirist is searching for understanding, wisdom and insight born of experience not for the cool accuracy of a newspaper account that passes muster with fact checkers and editors. Memoir is a literary form which aspires to a different type of truth. It is the degree of success the author has in pursuing that literary and emotional truth that is the standard against which her memoir should be judged.

08 Apr 2010 May I Speculate in a Memoir or Family History?
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What’s the level of truth or historical accuracy required of the author of a memoir or family history? It’s a question almost guaranteed to come up in any conversation with a person working on or thinking about creating a personal history book.

Two basic concerns lie behind the question. First, the people are worried about faulty memories – their own or particularly those of elderly relatives they may interview. Do they remember correctly? Second, the further one moves back in time the more likely it is that there are gaps in the factual record of the person or people they are writing about. What if you can’t find the facts?

The firestorms over the false memoir James Frey created and fictional journalism of people like Jayson Blair demonstrate that almost no one thinks it’s okay to simply make things up.

“But when I can’t get at the facts, can I speculate about what happened?” asked a gentleman at a seminar we recently presented. That’s a trickier question.

I think the answer ultimately comes down to the effort you’ve made to learn as much as you can. If you are relying primarily on interviews, have you talked to everyone you can who might help set the record straight? Have you done research to fill in the gaps? Examining the social history of the time and place you’re writing about can give you insights into how people like the one you are writing about lived. Local historical societies can be particularly helpful. But no matter what you do, you probably won’t answer every question you wish you could have.

When you have done as much as you think you can, you have to speculate to tell your story. That’s what historians do. They learn as much as they can from the factual record, then draw a conclusion about what happened.

Journalist, critic and fiction writer Tom Bissell put it well when he said, “What the memoirist  [or family historian] owes the reader is the ability to persuade that the narrator is trying, as honestly as possible, to get to the bottom of the experience at hand.”

For more from Bissell and an interesting discussion of Honesty in Memoir visit Richard Gilbert’s blog Narrative.

02 Apr 2010 Helping Seniors Recall Stories for a Memoir or Family History
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One of the most common frustrations we hear about from people working on memories or family histories is their inability to get aging relatives to participate in the project by telling their stories.

A radio personality in our town is typical. “I’ve been trying to get my mother to tell her stories for years. I asked her to write some down. I even got her a digital recorder and asked her to record them. But she just won’t do it.” His experience is fairly common.

If you are trying to get a senior member of your family to tell his or her stories we advise you to make it a social event. Sit down with your relative and explain what you are doing. Communalization is a term that is usually associated with recovering from trauma which is also applicable to seniors who grow increasingly isolated as they grow older. They want to share stories with other people. They want a social experience.

Help your relative get started. You know many of their stories. Begin with a prompt like, “Tell the one about ­­­­­___________when ______________.” Or begin telling the story yourself. Your relative will jump in and take over the narration. Another memory trigger is to show your relative a photograph and ask them to tell you about it. Any technique that gets your relative started talking is all it takes.

If you want to record the conversation, great! But make the technical aspects of doing so unobtrusive. A small digital recorder is all you need. Handle the operation of the recorder yourself.  Seniors are sometimes uncomfortable with technology. Don’t let it derail the conversation.

Don’t plan on gathering all the stories you hope to hear in a single visit. Seniors get tired. Several short visits will allow them to stay focused. The interval between sessions will also allow them to recall stories they might otherwise never have told. You may find that your relative gets grows more enthusiastic about telling stories as they get used to the process.

You may find that in addition to gathering stories both you and your relative will have a wonderful time together sharing them.

19 Mar 2010 Aids to Senior Recall for a Memoir or Family History
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A senior who begins to work on a memoir or family history is often concerned about the limits of her memory. She is afraid that she will be unable to recall the name of a person or the details of an event. You can help her remember!

Begin by relaxing! Anxiety blocks memory. Advise her to breathe deeply and relax. A lost memory may appear out of thin air.

Preceding sessions when you will work on your project with exercise can have a very positive effect on her ability to recall details of stories.

More active steps involve using cues of various sorts to trigger elusive memories.

  • Look at old photographs, documents, letters, diaries or family memorabilia.
  • Listen to music from the approximate time of the memory.
  • Use visualization: Picturing the scene of an event in as much detail as possible and recalling people who were present may help fill in gaps in memories of a story.
  • Create a timeline of what was going on at the time she is trying to recall.
  • Recall speech patterns or favorite expressions of a person involved in an event and unlock details of the story.
  • Recalling a smell is often enough to call up details of time, place and events.
  • Encourage her to talk with a friend or another relative who might also know the people or events she is trying to recall to get her thinking about a time in the past which lets the memories come back naturally.

Whatever you do, be patient. Cues may not produce immediate results. The unconscious mind may take time to process. The desired memory may slip back into consciousness at a later time for no obvious reason.

16 Mar 2010 Your Search for Meaning in Memoir or Family History
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You are thinking about starting, or have already started writing a memoir. The impulse to reflect upon our life is a natural one that almost everyone experiences. The psychologist Erik Erikson in his theory of Stages of Life saw the search for meaning as the basic issue of mature adulthood. It is a powerful lens through which to view one’s life. People seek meaning and purpose in their life’s achievements. Erikson said that the search for wisdom is the basic virtue of the age.

Memoir writers seem to agree. In a poll conducted by Charley Kempthorne, editor of Life Story Magazine, subscribers said that the number one reason for writing a memoir was “to review my own life to understand it better.” Indeed, as people proceed through the process of remembering and reflecting upon their life to create a memoir they begin to see themselves in a different way. Ann Flaxman of the Center for Journal Therapy said that the memoir writers she works with, “…begin to see their lives as jewels that have been polished time and experience and living.”

The meaning of the memories in memoirs and family histories goes well beyond the personal. They are vehicles which preserve your wisdom, values and traditions and those of your family and make sure it is transmitted to the next generation. An heirloom book is a precious treasure.

27 Jan 2009 What if I Can’t Remember?
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Do you worry that your memory won’t be up to the task of planning and detailing your memoir or family history book? Corinne Gediman and Frances Crinella, the authors of Brainfit (Rutledge Hill Press, 2005) have some suggestions which are sure to help you remember.

First, relax – they say that “anxiety blocks memory function.”  Then, instead of worrying, help your brain to remember by calling up related information.

· Recite the alphabet slowly searching for a first letter connection.

· Do a “scenario search” in which you visualize the location and the people present when you first learned the information.

· Try to see, hear or touch something you associate with the memory. Look at a photograph or listen to music from the time.

· Do a chronological search retracing your steps in order to locate the moment when you last used the information.

· Ask yourself what you were doing the last time you thought of the memory.

· Recall the people with whom you shared the memory.

· Engage in physical activity and aerobic exercise, which have been shown to immediately elevate mood and memory.

You may be surprised at the wonderful, detailed memories you retrieve!

-Nan Barnes