Many of us have an elderly relative who is a master story teller and a treasure trove of family history. We’d love to capture those memories to pass on to the kids or the grandkids, but we can’t get the relative to record them. The thought of creating any sort of personal or family history is a task that would test even a skilled and experienced writer, so it is hardly surprising that your relative may find the find the task too huge to even begin. Rather than being frustrated by their lack of enthusiasm, offer to help.

Begin by making an appointment to work on the project. It is important to realize that extended sessions may tire an older person and that it is better to schedule several shorter sessions to keep him or her relaxed, fresh and enthused.

Before your first session, create a list of questions that are both factual, seeking a specific response, and open-ended, which will allow your relative to reflect on what happened or to pursue ideas you may never have thought of.

At the first session, ask your relative if they have goals for the book or favorite stories they wish to be included. It is important to be honest with your relative about how you intend to use her stories. Assure her that she will have a chance to see and approve everything before it is published.

Many older people say they can’t remember important details. Our article, “Dealing with Incomplete Memories and Memory Loss” and the Stories To Tell Author’s Guide provide many exercises to help elders recall. One thing to remember is to start each session with a question or topic that you know will elicit a reply. Ask about a story you have heard your relative tell in the past to jump start her memory. Looking at family photographs or documents can start a conversation or reenergize it if there is a lull.

As the interview continues there are some things to keep in mind to help the process go smoothly:

• Ask questions one at a time.
• Allow silence to work for you. Wait. This will give your relative a chance to think about what she might say.
• Offer verbal encouragement like, “This is great!” or “Interesting!” But be careful not to talk too much or when your relative is talking.
• Don’t push too hard for answers. There may be family controversies or members your relative doesn’t want to discuss. If a topic makes her uncomfortable, move on to something else. You may come back to the subject later and have better results.
• Don’t be afraid to let your relative go off on tangents. Some of the best stories you encounter may be found on a tangent that you weren’t aware was important.
• Don’t interrupt or attempt to correct your relative. This could end the interview or even the terminate the whole project.
• If your relative makes a general statement, ask for an example or more details.
• Be patient and flexible. Give your relative a chance to get to the point in her own time.

As you proceed your relative may take more and more ownership of the project. That’s wonderful! Anne Flaxman of the Center for Journal Therapy in Fairfield, Connecticut reports that, “One of the most important things that happens... is the way people begin to see their lives as jewels. They begin to see the beauty and uniqueness that their life represents.”